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Dufferin Police Dog Becomes Detective
After passing the detective’s exam with flying colours, local police dog, Constable Rex, will be promoted to Detective Sergeant. When asked how a dog will perform such a difficult job local Superintendent Phyllis In had this to say, “Oh I’m pretty sure he’ll fit right into the pack. He’ll sniff out clues just like our other detectives, and doggedly chase after leads.” When asked how he’ll interview suspects Superintendant In went on to say, “I think he’ll lick that obstacle, no problem. He’s got a real nose for the truth and has great technique. One minute he’s all puppy eyes and the next he’s growling right in their faces. He really keeps a suspect off guard.” We wondered if Detective Rex would have a positive impact on the local force. To this she said, “For sure. We expect that he’ll retrieve a lot of bad guys, really hound them out and shepherd them into jail. He’s a real goal setter who’s not sheepish about what he wants to achieve. You just have to point him in the right direction and he’ll tear right into his assignments.” When we asked how the other detectives felt about the promotion, In had this to say: “They love it, and him. Rex has a great sense of humour, dry as a bone. He’s easygoing too. If you have a bone to pick with him he’ll just sit right down like a good boy, ahem, I mean like a professional and sort it out and when it’s over he just lets sleeping dogs lie. He’s full of new tricks that he can bring to the department, and he works like a... um... well he works hard.” (We apologize for this article. Just writing this many cliches made us dog-tired.)
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BEWARE OF PERSON WHO JUST WANTS TO TALK FOR AN HOUR.
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CAUTION: WE DON’T SHOVEL OUR WALK AND DON’T HAVE INSURANCE.
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WARNING: THERE IS NO DOORBELL AND WE USUALLY CAN’T HEAR YOU KNOCK SO JUST KEEP HAMMERING AT THE DOOR UNTIL WE RESPOND.
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BEWARE OF OVERLY AFFECTIONATE CAT THAT WILL LIKELY RUB YOUR ANKLES CAUSING YOU TO TRIP AND FALL.
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HEADS UP: NANA MIGHT CONFUSE YOU WITH HER LATE HUSBAND. JUST GO WITH IT.
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We don’t guarantee that these will work, but do they ever?
SPILLED WHITE WINE ON THE CARPET? Pour red wine on the stain. No one will know the other stain is even there.
A GREAT WAY TO KEEP YOUR SPOUSE HAPPY is to give them a lot of money. If you don’t have a lot of money, give them raisins. Everyone loves raisins.
TAKE A PICTURE OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU MEET. Then go home and, using a graphics program, add their name to the picture. Email this to your phone with their name in the subject line. Then, whenever you meet someone, check all of your emailed pictures. If you find a match, then you’ll know their name. If not, then take a picture of them...
DON’T KNOW IF YOUR APPLES ARE CRISP AND JUICY? Try dropping them onto a table from about 4 feet. If they bounce they are fresh. If they splat, they are not. Just to be sure, do this 6 to 7 times.
WANT TO KNOW IF YOUR CAT HOLDS YOU IN CONTEMPT? Do you own a cat? Yes? It holds you in contempt.

Laugh About It Interviews Local Author Tory Steller Who Wrote The New Children’s Book Chickens In The Kitchen.
Congratulations on your new book. What’s it about?
Um, it’s about chickens, that, um, you know, get into a kitchen.
About that. Why are there chickens in a kitchen?
Well that’s the thing isn’t it? Why are they there?
Ya. That’s what I’m asking.
Well, um... it’s a kids’ book. There doesn’t really need to be a reason.
OK, but, they’re chickens. Chickens don’t usually live in kitchens right?
No, I know, but that’s why it’s funny.
What’s funny about chickens in your kitchen? I’d imagine it would be quite loud, and the mess! Can you imagine?
Um, uh, yes I could. That’s the point of the book isn’t it?
That there are chickens in the kitchen? Hardly a point really worth making, isn’t it?
Have you even read the book?
Of course not. It’s for kids.
Yes, but I thought since you were interviewing me that you would have at least read the book.
But who would want to read a book about chickens in a kitchen? I mean the noise, the mess, where’s the interest in that?
It’s a kids’ book!
And kids are more likely to find chickens in kitchens to be interesting?
I hope so. That’s why I wrote it.
For kids who are interested in chickens in kitchens.
No. Just to make kids laugh! It’s a kids’ book after all.
You keep saying. But wouldn’t kids find other things in kitchens more interesting, like candy or toys? You know, things kids find interesting.
Oh forget it!
Good talk.
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