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Local Winter Fair To Be Held In August
Laugh About It caught up with the organizer of this year's Winter Festival to ask him why it will be held in August and not, say, November or even February. "That's a good question," said Stu Chold. "We just thought it would be nicer for everyone if it wasn't so darned cold at this year's festival. The last one we held in winter saw the temperature drop to minus 10 degrees. Who can enjoy anything with that kind of cold?" When we pointed out that a winter festival usually has snow, Chold said, "Who needs it? We'll just substitute with things we can do in August. Can't skate? We'll Rollerblade. Can't have a snowball fight? We'll throw marshmallows at each other!" Not convinced, we pushed Chold, asking him what could possibly replace the toboggan hill. "Well we can't do everything can we?" said Chold, "Maybe we'll just play beach volleyball instead." When we pointed out that his event sounds just like a summer festival, he had this to say, "What are you talking about? Can't you read the name of the event? It literally says, 'Winter' festival!" And with that, we gave up.
Stu Chold seen walking through the grounds of this year's winter festival.
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LOCAL BYLAW PROHIBITS BUSINESSES FROM HOLDING BACK-TO- SCHOOL SALES UNTIL THE LAST WEEK OF AUGUST.
Council recently passed a bylaw that will end those horrible back-to-school sales and commercials that ruin summer year after year by starting in early July! "They are just cruel!" said one Shelburne mother of three. "My kids are having a great time, without a care in the world and then suddenly there's this awful ad that comes on the radio or on the TV needlessly reminding them that summer is going to end soon. Next thing you know, I've got three miserable kids who should just be having fun!" When asked why council passed the new bylaw one local councillor had this to say: "Seriously I'm 52 years old and these still depress the beans outa me. No one needs to be reminded that summer doesn't last forever. Not in July anyway!"
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We interview Dean Lotta Noice of Dufferin County's School Of Sarcasm Set To Open In September.
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Thanks for agreeing to talk to us Dean Noice. So what is a school of sarcasm?
If you have to ask you likely won't understand the answer.
Um, OK. Is this the first of its kind or are there other sarcasm schools?
Google much?
Um, what? I, uh... um... So how long is the course students take?
Longer than yours was apparently.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's OK. I'm sure you just missed the class where they taught you to do research.
I have done my research, but this is an interview. I want my readers to hear it from you.
Oh you have readers do you?
Well yes. Lots actually.
You've heard of grammar right?
Look, my grammar is just fine. I'm just trying to learn about your school so I can share it with others.
Well aren't you just so clever.
I'm not being clever. I'm a reporter. It's my job to ask questions!
How's that working out for you?
Look here, why are you being so difficult?
I'd say you were imagining things but that would be assuming you have an imagination.
I'm guessing you are a graduate of your own course then?
Did you come to that conclusion all by yourself?
Wow! I bet people get really upset with you a lot. Aren't you just setting your students up to get into altercations?
That's why we're opening a self-defence school next door.
Wait. Are you being sarcastic?
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