

In a move that surprised many, local city council has decided to lay yellow bricks down on all major roads in The County. When asked why, one councillor said, “Well, it seemed to us that people need some uplifting in their lives and what would be more fun than skipping and dancing while following the yellow brick road whenever you wanted to go anywhere?” When it was pointed out that the actual yellow brick road was full of perils like evil flying monkeys and uncooperative talking trees, the councillor responded, “Well yes there is that, and we certainly don’t want people having to run away from flying monkeys or argue with
unruly trees, but that shouldn’t deter us from laying the bricks right? Mind you, I’m not sure how we could stop trees and monkeys from harassing people. There really are no laws for that.” With that new thought in mind, council was recalled for an emergency session and it looks like we might not have to put on our ruby slippers after all.
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City Council To Lay Yellow Bricks On All Major Roads
It isn’t just humans who make
New Year’s Resolutions
Every January the Niagara Region celebrates the “Good Boy/Girl Awards” for outstanding pets. This event rewards pets who were exemplary in their behaviour the prior year. Here are some of 2024's highlights:
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“Last year I was a good boy, but this year I’m going to be a really, really good boy. Good boy. Good boy.”
Cooper. (Pet Dog)
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“I intend on getting in more quality salt licking this year, and maybe put a little more effort into really chewing my cud.”
Betsy. (Cow)
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“I just want to chuck more wood this year. A lot more! I wonder how much I could.”
Chuck. (Woodchuck)
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“I think this year I’m going to try hard not to laugh at the cows, but have you seen the way they run? It’s hilarious!”
Midnight. (Horse)
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“I’m going to stop turning over so many canoes. I’ve built up a bad reputation for being dangerous and I don’t want to leave that legacy to my kids.”
Hungry. (Hippo)
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“Really? You’re kidding right? I’m not changing anything for anyone!”
Miss Sparkles. (Pet Cat)
Learn how to avoid dangerous encounters with polar bears from an actual polar bear
Laugh About It Magazine interviewed a polar bear in order to learn the best strategies for avoiding conflicts with these mighty beasts. Here’s what we learned:
Thank you for your time, Mr. Polar Bear. So you would agree that it is better that humans and you avoid each other, but what are the best ways for us to ensure that?
Well for starters I would suggest that people stop stealing fries from our plates at restaurants.
That’s a thing?
Well ya! I don’t get it either, but it happens all the time.
Um, well I didn’t see that one coming. I guess I was asking more about encounters in the wild.
That happens for sure. Every time I’m in a big box store doing some shopping some human tries to rush past me and collides with my cart. That really gets me annoyed.
How is that considered “in the wild“?
Have you been to a big box store when it’s busy? Those places get pretty wild!
What about in the actual “wild,” like out-of-doors?
You mean like when a frisbee lands on my picnic blanket at the park? That gets me going!
No. I meant in the actual wild. Up north in the tundra!
Oh, yeah. You want to avoid that.
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Because we might run across a bear that is hungry and might see us as prey?
What? No! Who’d want to do that? You guys don’t look very appetizing. I’m saying you should avoid up north because the WIFI is so spotty and you only get two channels on TV.
But isn’t it more likely that a human would come across a polar bear in the north? Sure, once upon a time, but now we’re moving to the cities for a better life. So don’t cross us. We have a tendency towards very cutting sarcasm. No one wants to be on the receiving end of that kind of abuse.
So you’re saying that the best way to avoid dangerous polar bear encounters is to just be polite with them in public spaces?
Precisely.
Remembering that “other” 70s
Recently many of us have begun to look back nostalgically to the time of our youth. It was a simpler time for sure, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of things we’d like to forget. We’ve compiled a list of those things we think it is better not to remember, and certainly not bring back.
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Macramé: Sure it might have been fun, or if nothing else, time consuming to make, but having dozens of macramé hanging plant holders swinging around the house wasn’t the classiest look.
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Cut-off jean shorts: We might have been a bit more frugal in the past, but nothing excuses the frightening look of what were basically short shorts for men. Those trailing threads really added to the fashion statement though.
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Ambrosia: Who thought this was a good idea? Raw coconut, miniature marshmallows, canned mandarin orange slices and sour cream? All across Canada are people who have wiped this monstrosity from their memories.
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Mood Rings: Who were these for? Were they supposed to tell you or others what mood you were in? Why would I want strangers to know I was in any kind of mood? Just weird.
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Jumpsuits: For some reason it became a fashion thing to look like you were about to jump out of a plane when really you were just going to work. Then, just for fun, why not make them in primary colours?!!
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Pong: Blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... Blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... Blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... blip.... Blip.... blip. Take that Mario Carts!!
POLAR BEAR DIP HAS A NEW LOCATION
After last year’s hugely successful Polar Bear Plunge held in Marge’s hot tub, the event is being repeated. “It’s just a lot more pleasant,” says Marge. “We get together and plunge into the hot tub and then just stay there for an hour or so. It’s so much easier than having to get into that cold lake water.” When asked if hanging out in a hot tub takes away from the excitement and impact of the annual event, Marge replied, “Of course not.
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We still raise money for charity, but we don’t turn blue to do it. It really is a win/win scenario.” If you’d like to plunge into Marge’s hot tub instead of Lake Ontario this year, give her a call. Space is limited.

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