
Santa Teaches Reindeer To Back Up
After centuries of having to maneuver in wide circles whenhaving to back up a little, Santa Clause has finally managed to teach his reindeer to fly backwards. “It was all very time consuming,”
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said the jolly old man. “If we overshot our mark a little we’d have to fly forward, make a big circle and come in for a second landing. Now we just have to fly backwards a little bit and we’re all set. Really, I don’t know why I didn’t think about this a hundred years ago. It would have saved so much time.” When we asked Santa what he might do with all the time he will save this year he answered, “I’ll eat more cookies of course. I get left a lot of cookies and usually only have time to take one bite. Now I’ll be able to eat all the cookies I find. How wonderful is that?“
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Have you run out of ideas for dishes to take to potlucks? We’ve got you covered.
Are you known for being the person who brings the most interesting and tasty dishes to holiday potlucks but have run out of ideas for this year’s big hit? Here are some ideas for fun food items that will surely be remembered.
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Honey mustard French fries. Sriracha pudding.
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Sweet & sour chocolate chip cookie soup.
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Baked beans with raw oysters on rye.
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Moistened Lucky Charms in taco shells.
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Macaroni and peat casserole.
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Turnip, Brussels sprouts & macaroon souffle.
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6591-layer salad. (Give or take)
There oughta be a law!
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Every year our local governments review, cancel and add new by-laws. We at Laugh About It Magazine would like to suggest a few that we believe everyone could get behind. So here are a few New By-laws We’d Like To See:
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A ban on people singing while wearing headphones. This one is a no-brainer. We’ve all been annoyed by strangers belting out the song they are listening to whether they can carry a tune or not.
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A policy of dumping snow removed from parking lots in the front yards of people who refuse to shovel their sidewalks. It seems obvious to us that if people don’t shovel the sidewalk they must love snow, so let’s give them a lot of it.
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A ban on talking on the phone while in a public washroom stall. Ya. This is just kinda ewwww.
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A complete ban on phone calls while on buses and in retail stores. Despite what some may think, the rest of us have no interest in what you did last night or what you want for dinner tonight.
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Turning our toboggans into power! A brand new way to generate electricity!
For years Canadians have been tobogganing down snowy hills every winter without realizing the potential of all that friction! It is common knowledge that friction creates energy. That’s why we rub our hands together to get warm. But what if you could harness the friction that comes from your toboggan as it screams over the snow down that hill? That’s just what local scientist Ella Tryceeti has done. She’s invented a toboggan that stores energy from what she calls Bum Friction that can be used later to charge items around your home. “If we can get everyone using these toboggans we could power whole cities,” said Tryceeti. “I think it could make Canada a world leader in Fun Energy.” When we asked if it might not be a bit dangerous turning all that “bum friction” into electricity she cautioned, “I would recommend wearing a rubber snow suit to be sure.” Well. That’s science for you.
Niagara man keeps the same expression on his face for over 70 years!
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It may seem impossible but local septuagenarian Faun E. Phase has managed to keep the same crazy smile on his face going for over 70 years. He first made the face when he was just 19 months old and everyone laughed and told him how cute he was. Inspired by the wonderful response, he decided then and there that this was his ticket to receiving positive attention for the rest of his life. Asked if it worked he replied, “Mostly. I’ll admit that when I met the woman I would come to marry it took her a little time to get used to it, and when we had kids it might have made it a little harder to get them to take me seriously when I was correcting them, but mostly it’s been all positive.” When asked if he ever has a straight face he answered, “To be honest I think my face has been stuck in this expression since my early 20s. I don’t think I could look any other way even if I tried.”
Local owl says he is not always angry, it’s just his “resting annoyed” face.
Tired of people running away from him in fear, a local owl that is often seen in downtown St. Catharines on Geneva St has finally spoken up. “People think I’m angry and maybe even dangerous but that just isn’t so. I suffer from ‘resting annoyed’ face. It doesn’t mean I’m actually annoyed. If people took the time to get to know me they’d realize I’m actually a fun guy. I love hanging out and I’m a lot of fun at parties. I just wish people could see past the scowl on my face and get to know the real me.”
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Every year it seems like a new toy or gift idea takes the world by storm. This year local business person Mary A. Cluu, owner of Pet Surprise, thinks her idea will be the winner. We wanted to learn more.
Hi Mary. Congratulations. So you think you’ve got the hottest gift in town. Can you tell us about it?
Sure. I noticed how much fun kids have when they open a gift and find a puppy inside. It’s a wonderful experience. I also noticed the very popular trend of selling surprise toys where you won’t know what it is until your child opens the package. Kids really seem to love them. So what I did was combine the two.
Um, I’m not sure I know what you mean. Are you selling pets or surprises?
Both! We offer the best of both worlds. When you order one of our pets you never know what you are getting until you open the box! It could be anything!
Are you trying to tell me that you are sending kids a box with a mystery pet inside?
Exactly!
But what if the child doesn’t want that kind of pet?
Well that’ll never happen! Who’s going to turn away their very own puppy, or tarantula, or even a brand new loving iguana? Once they see them they’ll fall in love instantly. I’m sure of it!
I’m not sure that’s going to happen like you say. I know a lot of kids and especially oarents who don’t want a lizard or scary spider as a pet.
Well that’s the fun of it, isn’t it? Maybe they’ll get a puppy or a kitten or a cute little rabbit or maybe you’ll get a howler monkey. You just never know!
But wouldn’t you want to know in advance? If there’s a chance I’m getting a lizard I think I’d ​ want a terrarium at the ready. Wouldn’t you?
I think you are overthinking this. Not everyone is going to get a spider or a lizard! The joy is in the not knowing.
Um, what other pets might arrive?
Well we’ve got skunks, moles, eagles...
You’ve got skunks and eagles? Isn’t this getting dangerous? What if the skunk sprays you or the eagle bites, not to mention the tarantula!
Where is your sense of adventure? The whole point of Pet Surprise is that it could be anything in that box and you have to be ready to take care of it!
I’m starting to think the real surprise to come of these gifts will be the lawsuits filed against you.
Party pooper.
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